I am lost. On my knees. - Talk About Marriage

Hi all,

I dont even know where to begin. infact, I am a quiet person who keeps any form of "pain" inside and never lets it out. I guess by society where I live, I am "forced" to keep it in. its just how it is.

It would be better for me to make an audio recording about what I am feeling but can only think that not many people would be interested to listen to something but rather read, so here goes...

I have been single for a long time. 5 years to be exact. I have only had literally 3 dates in that time. In the end they just wanted money and to be spoiled for the evening before they are playing their games and moving to the next guy.

Where I live, and I dont mean to be negitive or anything - there is no concept of relationships. Forget about marriage - that word doesn't exist, but relationships no longer. Its all about convenience and that you have to be "hot", of a certain height, of a certain age, of a certain skin tone, of a certain look... all superficiality. nothing else matters.

at times, yes, I do question humanity. I sit for hours on end, sometimes feeling sorry for myself (hey, someone has to!) but questioning why we are in such a state. Why is it all about "me me me", people are too judgemental and just dont have the patience to sit and listen or understand anything... the list goes on.

I've been hurt badly in the past and wouldnt wish what I have been through on my worst enemy. Of course, ive moved on but with what happened, there will always be that scar that exists but does not affect the future. Just like bad memories right?

I have done everything you could imagine to find and to date women. I always make the effort, I always pay for travel expenses to see them, I always pay for dinner or coffee or whatever but.... in the end, nothing. What is the "feedback?" Just the usual - "you arent attractive" or "you aint my type" or "there is someone else".....

i dunno. maybe I have been betrayed by my parents that marriage is a great thing and that there will be that woman for me. I keep hearing even today "oh there is someone for you".... but where? I've heard this for years but where? If there was that person, even for them then why are they still single and playing games?

ok, im sorry for the rambling and ranting. over half of the things I wanted to write about.... arent even here. I guess ive just given up. There comes a time when enough is enough in someones life about anything, any situation, any circumstance...

im not perfect but I know I am damn better than most men. I have integrity, self respect, educated, have my own business and work for another company, I have won awards for the work that I do globally but also recently had my name published in a book. I dont ask for much. I have NEVER lived off of any benefits or welfare of any kind. Self sufficient.

I guess, i should be doing what most seem to do here which is to drink endlessly, get drunk and be a total bum because they get sex easily! I couldnt care less about sex. I just want a woman to be with, to connect, to share things with you know?

hmm. I am stupid.

sorry for the ramble and post.

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/57849-i-am-lost-my-knees.html

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