RolePlayGateway?

Author's Note

I had this dream last night and it felt so real I woke up wondering whether it had been real. I felt terrible about it and realized I had been sleeping for thirteen hours straight! I have no idea why but I did and I had this wonderful nightmare to traumatize me for a few days. There was a first dream before this one something about school buses, me being filthy rich, and school but I can't recall any of it and I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with this one.

So, I decided to write it all down to attempt ridding it from my thoughts. Note, some things may not make much or any sense.

Enjoy.

*

It was the late morning, no later than ten, as I entered the local Dairy Queen a few blocks down from where I lived. I had quit my job a few weeks ago and I knew spending was foolish of me but I had nothing to eat back at the apartment and was on the verge of starving.

The inside was painted bright yellow with a white linoleum flooring covered in round cafeteria tables. There were already a few patrons drinking coffee and eating breakfast but I only saw them in passing as I made my way to the coffee bar. I had brought my Grumpy the Dwarf mug from home and placed it under the coffee maker and let it fill up as I made my way to the counter where a young lady smiled at me in greeting.

"What can I do for you today, sir?" She said through her grin and seemingly eagerly await my order.

"Do you have any coffee?" I asked, having forgotten about my Grumpy mug.

"Isn't that yours over there, sir?" She went around and picked up my cup and brought it back with her to show me.

"Oh, yes." I chuckled. "I'll have a Blizzard Shake then." I added.

"What kind?"

"Do you have caramel?" I asked.

"Sure do!" She went away quickly into the back and I waited patiently for about a minute until she came back. "Here you go." I paid and thanked her.

As I turned around, I looked over at the tables and wondered where to seat myself. There were many empty ones and those that were already occupied were not an option so I made my way to the front left corner and sat down there.

It was a strange mixture: hot black coffee and a caramel blizzard shake but it's all I felt like eating this morning. Anything solid seemed unappealing to me.

It was as I thought of this that two men my age sat down next to me and smiled. Instantly, I liked the one closest to me and I could feel my gaydar beeping but the other seemed vaguely familiar but I had little interest from him. The two talked amongst themselves as they looked at me, smiled, and nodded a greeting.

"Hey, I'm Steve and this is Logan." The cute brunet smiled at me and shook my hand. I wondered what caused them to sit with me when there were many empty tables but I did not mind enough to ask.

"Dmitri!" Another voice popped behind me and I saw Erik coming closer. "Surprise seeing you here." He sat down with the three of us and now we were a small but full party.

"What are you doing here, Erik?" I asked, giving him a brief glance before turning back to the eye candy that Steve was.

"Just eating some breakfast before heading to work." He smiled at me, knowing I had quit a few days back. "How's being unemployed?"

"It's a living." I laughed back at him.

It was then that I saw a tall statuesque black female approaching us with a small smile painted on her.

"It's Susan! Zawadii's sister!" I rose to greet her and we awkwardly tried to hug and shake hands at the same time. She sat down with us and nibbled on her salad as she gave shy looks toward Erik who openly ate her with his eyes.

"And don't forget us!" Two girls approached, one shaved and one long locked blond. It was Kristie and Rebeka and I saw that Steve's face lit up when he saw them.

We all began talking amongst one another, mostly about work and a few pleasantries here and there. Kristie and Rebeka heard a song they liked begin to play and moved out to dance together.

"They're lesbians?" Steve asked, seemingly heart broken. "I had the hugest crush on them in school." For some reason, it felt like that should have meant something to me but I could not place it so I cast it out of my mind.

Me and Steve seemed to get along pretty well until I noticed that my blizzard shake and coffee were out. He stated he had to leave so I followed him out.

I found myself walking by his side as we went down the long dead end alley that was used as a parking lot. I suddenly felt some courage swell up inside of me and I spun in front of him and placed my hands over his chest and slowly pushed him gently along the path.

"You know, you are kind cute." I smiled at him as our eyes locked and he smiled back seemingly enjoying the flirt. "Maybe you should give me your number." He said nothing but allowed himself to be guided further and further down the alley and making no attempt to put any distance between our two bodies. "Or maybe I should give you number and give you all the power?"

It was then that he moved away toward a car, which I thought was his, and pulled out a long plastic bag from the trunk and turned to me all excited about it. It was then that I noticed it was not his car and that he was so poor he actually considered a large empty bag a form of treasure. I didn't mind his current financial state but I did not like that he just stole something.

Steve gave a mean look to a poor man who had been watching us the entire time and the men seemed to get scared and look away and began minding his own business. I decided to ignore this and we moved on all the way to the back of alley way where he revealed to me his car.

It was an old car that was no longer being made. It was one of those cars that practically touched the ground and had a removable top and I noticed the blue metallic paint was chipping and rusting around the edges. The back window was mostly duct tape attempting to hold it in place and a few rust holes could be seen on the side. He gave me a nervous smile but I made my best to show that I had not seen anything unusual.

At that moment, it finally hit me why Logan seemed so familiar.

"Steve, why didn't you tell me we sat together in chemistry class?" I started talking as all my memories fell back into place one by one. "I always looked at you and wondered whether you looked back at me."

"Oh, you remember." He looked away and then I saw Logan approach with his girlfriend whom I did not know.

"I asked you to prom night with me and you said yes." I smiled bitterly. "But you never showed up." I turned to Logan and looked at angrily. "Then when I thought you stood me up, I left and went for my car where I got jumped by Logan, Micheal, Chris, and Derick!"

"Dude..." Logan began but I cut him off.

"I got fag bashed at my own prom because of you!" I was yelling then but it was mostly from the sudden surge of repressed memories coming to light. It was like a constant stream of sparks that slashed up against my eyes. Each stroke repainted the events of that night in full detail and the pain and suffering that had be brought down on me. I grabbed my ribs in pain as if they were suddenly freshly wounded again. "Why did you just not tell me you weren't interested?"

"Because my mom beat me up that night." He said dryly. "She found my report card and began to wail on me. I came a few hours late and that's when I found them beating you up. I wanted to stop them but I was frozen in shock in my car and I was so beat up that I don't think I could have helped."

"So you just watched me get smashed to pieces by a bat?" I was yelling again. "I had to go to the hospital for two weeks because of broken bones and I refused to communicate with anyone that they even started performing psych tests on me."

"You beat this guy up, Logan?" His girlfriend asked. "You know what? I think I'll just take a cab home." She walked away, leaving only the three of us.

"I'm sorry, man. It was a different time then I didn't know..."

"Different how?" I cut him off again. "There is no way you thought for a moment back then differently then you do know. You knew exactly what you were doing." I moved against the wall and let my back rest on it. "And now you're both just suddenly being friendly with me as if nothing happened. Pretending nothing like this ever happened."

"I thought you were kind of lame back then." Steve admitted, I could not understand why he would say such a thing.

"Lame? You thought I was lame and you still agreed to go with me to the prom? And you certainly as hell didn't think I was lame five minutes ago! I was asking you out and, what, were you were gonna do the same thing again? If my mother saw us together she would have killed you."

I left them both there. I was emotionally in pain and physically in pain from my new found memories.

It was later that night that I received a phone call. It was Steve, who had found the number I had given him back in high school it his many bags of objects his mother threw at him when she kicked him out of home. He said he explained everything to my mother and she finally gave him my number as she began to cry. He apologized for that but he had to talk to me again.

"I've added you making my mother cry to the list, you know." I was no longer angry at him but I was still unable to let my past go. I wanted to hold on to it. "You could come over if you want." I invited him to my home, I don't really know why. Maybe I wanted to rehash the conversation, maybe I wanted him to help me forget, or maybe I just wanted to see him naked. All I knew, is that removing him from my life was the wrong thing to do.

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